Defective Drivers
We love our driveway. However, it is a bad driver magnet. These bad drivers fall into four categories:
1. Some people don’t or can’t read. They drive past “Private Drive” signs as if they were 45 mph speed limit signs. I am including a picture taken last fall. If you can squint down to a 20/20 you will notice two yellow “Private Drive” signs and a Private Property sign on a tree. Leaving the signs out of it, does this look like a road that might lead to Rollins Lake? I am just spitballing here, but the Graestone sign gives me the impression this is a driveway to Graestone. (The bottom bar says Private Drive~No Trespassing, which is quite unlike the sign that says “Rollins Lake Campground and Boat Ramp.”
2. Some people can’t drive. Ruth is convinced that the reason people continue up the drive is that they don’t know how to back up. I can tell you, the drive at the highway is quite wide, and someone with even rudimentary driving skills should be able to back down and roar off looking for the road to Rollins Lake. Because they can’t back up worth beans, our mailbox has been knocked over so many times we don’t even try to make it solid. The bottom has a hunk of cement, and it sort of bobs around.
When the gate went up, a fellow roared past the mailbox and found our gate an impediment to his turning around by the red barn. (We figured he was a repeat offender and was used to taking liberties.) Watching him try to ease his car around was nerve-wracking as he inched toward the mailbox. One time a couple with a squeaker turned around by the red barn and, on the way down, decided our drive was a nice place to change the baby’s nappy. I’ll give them a mark on the wall for not tossing the article beside the driveway.
The best were two college boys with two new jet skis on a new trailer. They tried to back up toward the red barn, jackknifing the trailer instantly—three times. I took pity and told them they could drive down the circle drive, and I would meet them when they came back. I gave careful instructions to Not make any sudden turns, and follow the drive. They didn’t return for a long time, so I started down the other way. I could hear them backing and snorting around. Finally, they wandered to where I was standing. I should have followed them to Rollins Lake as watching them back down the boat ramp would have been great.
3. Some people are a bit spacey. I remind you of the woman who drove all the way to the house, rolled her window down, looked out dreamily, and said, “I just felt compelled to drive in here.” Maybe she mistook our driveway for the place where they “sell some righteous weed.”
4. Some people are thieves. Ruth has planted a zillion daffodils, and they are beautiful. One woman drove past the private drive sign, parked and got out, and proceeded to cut daffodils. (Oh, she came prepared.) Ruth and I were walking down to get the mail, and Ruth yelled at her. She spit a big blob of tobacco and got into her car. I gave her a point for not ramming the mailbox as she backed down. Chaw should be used as a macadam sealer because that splat took weeks to go away. Some thieves pull up the whole bulb when they are stealing daffodils. That thief pulled them off the hillside near the mailbox, so they wouldn’t have to stoop over. I suppose that person assumed Ruth would plant more bulbs.